I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You smell like stripper and shame
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
