wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
