So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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