you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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