I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
