White coat. Heels.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
