i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
