Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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