Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
