His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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