how can u be prego again
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
