its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
