umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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