Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
