RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
