Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize