i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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