how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
