I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
