So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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