So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
