please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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