The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
