We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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