I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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