When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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