This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize