You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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