Yo dont text me then not text me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
