I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
