Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
