he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize