Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize