Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
