My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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