We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
