he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize