She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
