The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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