Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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