Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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