plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
