The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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