And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
