Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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