Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
