dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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