Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
