I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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