So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
