A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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