the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
