I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize