is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
