Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
