got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
