I think I died a long time ago.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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