Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
