I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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