1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
