I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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