Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
