Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
