Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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