i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
