It's like God shit irony all over that family
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
