I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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