But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
