So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
