Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize